Seventeen Snowfalls
Original writing: August 2021Last modified: August 2021
Zack, Connor and Emma sat in a spacious conference room, looking out the window from the 12th floor of an office in downtown Montreal. The first snow of the year was falling, and it looked magical.
Connor broke the silence. “I hope you guys are dressed for this – the snowstorm tonight is trying to make it in the record books.”
“Oh I’m ready – check this out!” Emma dramatically produced a very long and blue scarf from her bag. She then draped it softly on her shoulders and sighed deeply – closing her eyes.
“Careful,” Connor warned, “Antoine might just write you up for sleeping in the office! Again!”
Eyes still shut; Emma smiled. “At this rate, he’ll still be in his other meeting tomorrow, so how will he know I dozed off so comfortably right here?” She let out a soft little sigh.
Zack, who had been quiet until now, spoke up. “The longer he takes to show up, the more we can appreciate the most beautiful and romantic snowfall of 2021.”
Connor sat up to face Zack. “What do you mean, the most? It’s the first snowfall of 2021!”
“No,” Zack protested, “it’s not! It snowed at the start of the year too Connor – remember January and February and March? Of the seventeen other snowfalls this year, this is by far the most romantic!”
“There were eighteen other snowfalls this year, actually. Silly Zack!”
“In which province!? Ontario!?”
“No, right here! Haven’t you been counting?”
Emma opened her eyes. “Guys, please! I’m trying to sleep!” She shifted in her seat before shutting her eyes again. “Let this fair maiden get her rest.”
Zack took a breath and stood up slowly, dusting his pants. “You heard the fair maiden, Connor. Let’s end this childish argument at once. Let's make peace.” He slowly extended his hand towards Connor.
Connor snapped up. He pulled two foam swords out of this bag, fire in his eyes. “No man who honestly believes there were only seventeen snowfalls this year deserves any kind of peace!” He tossed a sword to Zack, who deftly caught it by the hilt. “This maiden is mine!”
Connor lunged at Zack, who hopped backwards to dodge, knocking over a chair. Connor pressed the attack, forcing Zack to parry and back up – trying to keep a safe distance between himself and his opponent’s blade.
Zack pointed a finger towards the floor with his free hand before yelling, “TAKE THIS!!” He swung his sword in a large arc towards Connor’s feet. Connor nimbly hopped over the attack.
Connor pointed to the ceiling before yelling “EAT THIS!!” He swung for Zack’s face. Zack ducked just in time, and the sword cut through air.
Emma stood up, knocking over her own chair. Eyes wide, hands on her head, she cried “Oh my! How ever will I be able to choose between these two intelligent and chiseled men!?”
The battle raged on.
“There were seventeen snowfalls!”
“No, eighteen!”
“...Get! ...Your! ...Facts! ...Straight!”
“The maiden likes bigger numbers!”
“The maiden likes TRUTH!”
Emma started screaming loudly in frustration, startling the two fighters. She walked up and pushed them apart. “This maiden happens to LOVE the number seventeen, because it is her age!” A large smile grew on her face as she turned to Zack. She gave him a slanted look as she played with her hair.
Zack dropped his weapon, entranced. “My love, I always knew you would see reason.” Emma started unbuttoning Zack’s shirt. “All this fighting really is pointless, as everybody knows there have only been seventeen snowfalls this year.”
“THERE! HAVE! BEEN! EIGHTEEEEEEN!!!” Connor dramatically pushed Zack’s hips with his foot, knocking him down. Zack let himself very slowly fall to the floor, yelling “NO0OOO0OOO0O!!!” When his head touched the floor, he finally went quiet and stopped moving.
Mouth open, eyes wide, Emma blinked at Connor. “What have you done?”
Connor took Emma’s hands in his own. “Worry not, fair maiden. This liar shall bother you no more!” He pointed at Zack, lying on the floor, shirt half open. “If this hooligan tries to con you into thinking there were seventeen snowfalls again, I will beat him to a pulp!”
“Oh my, you are a TRUE gentleman! I have finally found my Prince Charming!” Emma put her hand on Connor’s mouth. Connor dropped her into a short dip before pulling her in for a fake romantic kiss.
At that moment, their boss Antoine walked into the room. His eyes grew wide at the flagrant debauchery before him. He held back no anger in his words. “This is the FOURTH TIME I tell you guys – NO SEX IN THE OFFICE!”